1. Ted Walsh – Horse Racing Commentator – ‘This is really a lovely horse. I once rode her mother.’

2. New Zealand Rugby Commentator – ‘Andrew Mehrtens loves it when Daryl Gibson comes inside of him.’

3. Pat Glenn, weightlifting commentator – ‘And this is Gregoriava from Bulgaria . I saw her snatch this morning and it was amazing!’

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A young man was  planning to get married and asked his doctor how he could tell if  his bride is a v-i-r-g-i-n.

The doctor  said, ‘Well, you need three things. A can of red paint, a  can of blue paint and a shovel..’

The man was  astonished and asked, ‘So what do I do with these?’

The doc  replied, ‘Before the wedding night, you paint your one b-a-l-l  red and the other b-a-l-l blue.   If she says, ‘That’s the strangest pair of b-a-l-l-s I ever saw’, you hit her head with the shovel.’